Bricks

It all started with a simple request.
A silent request.
A request that wasn’t requested, but it was still a request.

I agreed.

Doubt was always present, but I blinded myself…
Because I agreed.
Fear bombarded my thoughts, but I didn’t care…
Because I agreed.
But hope was also whispering in my ears…
Because I agreed.

I hoped that the request had a reason.
I hoped that, even though I had agreed to something unreasonable, it would still be reasonable to have agreed.

I don’t know if I was wrong.
I don’t know if I was right.
All I know is that I am looking at bricks.
Big, tall, sturdy bricks.

No holes.
No flaws.
Nothing.

Just plain.
Smooth.
Simple.
Bricks.

What am I thinking? What am I talking about? What am I gonna do?

I don’t know.

If I had one wish

March 2, 2008 (in discob.multiply.com)

I’d hug you as tight as I could.
I’d make you mine, and mine only.
I’d make you happy as pure bliss makes you feel.

It’s amazing how one look can make it totally different. One touch. One time. One.
That moment, that one moment… you… me… we smile… looking into each others eyes… closer… and closer… sealing it with a kiss….. I can still feel the shivers running down my spine.

…

Sigh…

I can’t call it love, because I know it’s not love. But I’ve never felt this way. So… Ugh… I’ve never gotten so much attention from anyone. And then you came along…

I wish you could be mine. I wish I could be yours. I wish I could hug you. I wish I could kiss you. But I know I can’t have it that way, and I understand.

Life is a bitch at times. This feeling will go by, eventually. I know it. It has to. But it is because all this happens that life becomes interesting.

I can’t wait to see you again and give you a hug. I know it won’t be the same, but I want to feel that I miss it and feel it deep in me so that I am ready to say goodbye to this mega feeling.

Will it ever come again? I do hope so….

Another one under the influence of “Flaws and All”.

Thanks for reading me.

What is it like

February 18, 2008 (in discob.multiply.com)

What is it like to have someone to say “I like you”?
What is it like to hug someone so tight you feel your heartbeats beating as one?
What is it like to daydream about someone?
What is it like to kiss like there is no tomorrow?
What is it like to look into someone eyes and share your deepest fears?

Wondering how I am feeling? That’s how I feel. A big question mark on my forehead. A huge feeling that is too ambiguous to be described. A crushing sensation of… nothing.
Emptiness is a bitch.

I wish you could accept me… flaws and all…
I wish I could sing you “Flaws and All”.
I wish there was a “you”.

Hold me Right

January 18, 2008 (in discob.multiply.com)

“Your presence…
I can feel it… close to me…
Right here, just next to me…
Just next to me gazing at me…
Gazing at me with that look that only you know…
The look that drives me crazy…
Craziness that only you understand.

Can you feel my hand caress your hair?
Can you see me look at you?
Can you hear my heart beat?
Can you hear me whisper… I love you…?

Lay here.
Lay with me.
Right here… next to me…
Hold me.
So that I am closer to you.
So that we can feel our hearts beating as one.
So that we can’t feel time go by.
So that everything, EVERYTHING around us stops
And the world is ours only.

Hold me, so that we become one
Hold me, so that I never forget your scent
Hold me, so that I never forget your touch
Hold me, so that I never forget your shimmering hair.
Hold me, so that this day is unforgettable.

…”

Today, I am reborn.

by Daniel de Senna Fernandes

Because I Love You

July 17, 2007 (in discob.multiply.com)

Why do you make me feel this way…
Breathless… Yearning…
For what I see,
For what I don’t see.
For what I feel,
For what I don’t feel.
For the sea,
For the earth,
For the air.

Why do you make me feel this way…
Warm in the inside, overjoyed on the outside.
Upset in the inside, excited and delighted on the outside.

Why did you make me feel your presence?
Why did you make me feel your absence?
Why did you make me feel the sadness of never having you for me?
Why did you make me feel the joy of knowing you?
Why did you leave me alone?
Why did you make me wait and long so much?

You are speechless.

No words from you.
Or you.
Or you.
Or You.

I can feel the tear sliding down my cheek, ready to stain what I am secretly confessing you.
I feel you more and more distant, but I see you closer and closer every second.
I want you, but I can’t.
I want you, but I have forget.

Why am I writing to you?
Why am I confessing to you?

Because I love you.
I love you just like a bee loves the finest nectar of flowers.
I love you just like the waves love the beach.
I love you just like the wind loves the distance.
I love you just like the Earth loves the Sun.
I love you this much, but I can do nothing, other than forgetting.

It is not the end, but a beginning of something that struggles to forget something that died.
Why?

Because I love you.

by Daniel de Senna Fernandes