I’m tired.

I’m tired of feeling lost and out of place.

I’m tired of not being able to express my feelings.

Not even to myself. I’m tired of feeling useless and worthless.

I find it pointless to think about this, but I can’t help it.

I miss being in love. I miss being called baby, and call babe back.

I miss those late night drunk texts or calls one would get from time to time.

I miss the spontaneity of surprising your loved one, somehow, somewhere.

I don’t understand what exactly is He trying to teach me here. I don’t think

I am looking on the right perspective.

I don’t think I’m looking out of the box.

But, honestly, nothing seems to be working. Nothing.

Maybe I’m overlooking the fact that I’ve got great friends… and I’ve got people who truly love me. But that’s not what I’m yearning for: friend attention. I want more.

Yes. I am aware that not everyone gets what they want, and that I should ask myself whether I need this sort of attention or not.

And then I’m back to zero. It’s almost as if I hit a reset button in my system and my emotions.

But then everything builds up again and this is what I get: a time bomb ready to burst the moment the right (or wrong) people ditch me, again, for the Nth time.

Am I hoping for a fairy tale? *scoff* I guess I am…

Am I trying to quit thinking about it? Yes, sure am.

And then I’m left with nothing.

I wish I could truly give up on feelings, emotions and all that.

I wish I could be like I used to: Stable. Dependable. Independent.

I just wish I had a guiding light. I wish I could trust someone with all this. I wish I could trust my feelings and emotions with someone.