It’s amazing, isn’t it?

- “It’s amazing, isn’t it?” someone asks with a smirk in their voice

– “What? What is amazing? And who are you?” I ask back

– “It. It’s amazing isn’t it?” the same voice replies

– “I don’t understand… what are you talking about?!”

– “What you feel. Love. It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

– “Oh… Love…” I smile and continue: “It is. I have no words to describe how I feel. It always feels and sounds incomplete when I try… but, how do you know what I feel? Who are you?”

– “It does not matter who or what I am. Truth is I can see, feel and smell what you feel. It emanates from you as if it were Spring and you were an orchid which just bloomed. It feels like whatever you touch becomes more lively. It looks like you have just gotten up from a fantastic night of sleep. There’s a sparkle in your eyes which I had never seen before. There’s a smile coming from within which I longed to see. There’s this warmth in your hug that I have never felt before.” he says. I agree and nod.

– “It’s impressive how it cuts boundaries and surpasses every difficulty in you day-by-day life. It’s impressive how, after two months, the feeling is still there. How the feeling feels freshly brewed and seems to grow stronger every day. It’s amazing how this connection that has been, and still is being created, makes you feel good, no matter what. It’s amazing how, just the thought of a kiss, a hug or a look can make you feel warm and have butterflies flying in your stomach. Amazing, isn’t it?”

– “How can you know so much and understand so well what I feel? It is virtually impossible for anyone to know what I feel. Not like this!”

– “Daniel, don’t be silly. Of course it is possible. You are in a dream. Everything is possible in your dreams. And, in dream world, anyone can talk to you and they may or may not know you. I know you. Don’t ask how what or why. I just do.”

And suddenly I wake up, still shocked with what I had just heard in my dream. As I come back to my senses, I can’t stop but think about you and how fulfilled you make me feel. How complete you make feel. How absolute and happy you make me feel.

You are the reason I stay up late and “don’t” whine about it the next day.

You are my inspiration when I need it and even when I don’t need it.

You are the first and only who has left me speechless and wordless altogether.

You are mine, and I am yours. No matter what. You shall forever be tattooed deep in my heart.

I love you, Evan Walker. I love you more than words can ever describe.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

The way you make me feel

You once asked me how you made me feel, and I told you, briefly, how I felt, but promised you’d read it someday.

Being with you is an unforgettable trip of sensations and emotions, you know?

It all begin when my eyes catch a glimpse of your gorgeous dark skin. My pupils dilate, my eyelids open up and eye brows relax.
Then my mouth reacts to the thought of kissing you. I smile and make my cheeks and eyes smile too.
And, as my eyes smile, and my pupils dilate, and my lips smile, a warm tingling sensation surrounds my stomach and heart. My heart races and my stomach feels funny. Anticipation and anxiety grows.

I extend my arms to hug you, as my legs become weak from so much anxiety. You approach me and hug me back. The smile widens and so does the warm tingling sensation.

When our lips meet, an explosion happens in me. My heart feels cozy and warm, it almost feels like it is happy and smiles with me too. My stomach relaxes and becomes at ease. My brain shuts down and all the problems around it and life simply disappear. At that moment, nothing matters. Nothing can destroy me. Nothing can make me happier. Nothing… but you. I feel fulfilled, satisfied, absolute.

After our lips unglue, I feel the aftermath of the explosion: everything is clear, everything is perfect, nothing matters but you. I feel happiness, I feel joy, I feel pure bliss, I feel complete. I look into your eyes, into your beautiful brown eyes, and we smile.

You complete me, and I will miss you.

Pure bliss

Hello,

It may be a bit too early to write a post like this, it may even bring me bad luck to write this… however, I can’t help but write this down.

Recently this month, I met someone. Not a special someone at the time, just someone. Later on I found out it was pure luck to have met this someone, but at the time I thought it was just like any other new person who I meet on my daily life.

We spoke online for long hours, we exchanged text messages all day long, and we laughed at each others jokes. Music tastes were very similar and interest started to grow as we got to know each other better. Little did I know that it would grow this much.

Every time I write about love, there’s a small drop of melancholy or sadness in between the dreamy feeling of being in love (which, I might add, I have never felt), since I don’t have “that” someone. I don’t have someone to call “you”, as may you may have read in one of my previous posts.

For some odd reason, I did not feel scared to open myself up. I was an open book. I did not hide my flaws. I did not put on a mask or a shield to cover up my weaknesses, which, obviously, left me unprotected. And, even though I was aware of this risk, I still decided to unlock my door.

To me, this person was everything I could ever ask for. “Flaws and All…”. There was nothing I could dislike of this person. Everything seemed so perfect. Even the flaws seemed perfect. They were flaws, yes, yet they were still perfect. There was this look that drove me crazy. One look that gave me shivers, one look that made me fall. One look that made me run like some silly boy. One look that completed me in every way. No more emptiness, no more numbness, no more “nothing”. I felt complete. I felt that everything was gonna be alright, good or bad. I felt happy. I felt like pure bliss had arrived. It had finally come to me. Out of all people in this world, it had come to me. I loved the feeling. It made me remember how happy I was when I was younger. It made me feel like a small kid. It made me feel like the “old Daniel”, the Daniel that left Portugal 5 years ago. The one who had so many dreams and so many hopes. The one who had to be suppressed to avoid deception. The one who had been sleeping for 4 years. He was finally awake.

It was just too good to be true. I thought it was too good because I do not believe in perfection.. which is ironic, since I am a Virgo and our main characteristic is perfectionism. I want everything to be perfect, that is true, however, my rational side knows and is aware that no human being in this world is trully perfect. We are flawed. Some more than others, but still flawed.

It is not over now. But it is not going on still either. I guess this problem had to come up to kill the perfection, which, in a way, I thank. I can’t deny that I love this feeling. I can’t deny that I missed the “old Daniel”. And I can’t deny I really like this person. But I can, in a way, wish that this would last. The bliss is still there, for some odd reason, it is still there, which I am thankful for.

I hope I have my wish granted. Now, or later, I hope I do.

 

Thank you for reading me.

 

Dann

Looking back

Hey,

 

You know, importing all those posts from my multiply blog made me travel back a year in memories…

It is funny to see how defined one can be. I noticed that I often feel empty and that I write a lot about finding “the” one. And it is funny to track back my writing back then, and now… Not much has changed really… If you compare the 1st imported post, and the last… you read the exact same feeling, in a different month and year.

The sad part is that, out of 96 posts, only 17 were “good” to go into this new blog… but oh well. I miss writing, so having a not so full blog could be nice… Right?

There’s a lot going on in my life now… new things, new people, and some sort of poem in the making… Needs some polishing though… however, I am not sure if I am ever going to publish it… Lets see how things go. How the “poem” comes out, and how well polished it is.

I also will try to translate an old article I wrote to my old school’s paper, back in May… It talks about Macau, and its new generation… I think it would be interesting to share a translated version here.

 

Anyway, I guess a simple update is what I am looking for to open up this new blog.

Thank you for the comments and for reading me!

 

Dann

I could almost write a novel

October 25, 2008 (in discob.multiply.com)

Hey guys,

It’s been a while since I last wrote a few words here… I’ve been so busy with school, future work and studying… It is sort of tiring, but not I am not as tired as I was last year during that conference.

I feel empty. Not drained, just empty. As if there’s a big blank in me, sort of a void. It is not sadness that I feel, it feels like this sort of numbness. As if “nothing” is in place of “anything”, if that even makes sense when you read it.

Describing what I feel is complicated, but I will try. It feels likes weeks have gone by, when, in fact, only 2 or 3 days have passed. My days are so filled with work to do, that it feels like it’s worth 2 days instead of one.
I am not even sure if this is some sort of change  I am going through again, or if it is just a phase, or if it’s just my mind playing with me.  It feels like my mind floats between feeling utterly fulfilled and being totally empty. Again, it’s not sadness, it’s emptiness. Do you find it complicated? If you don’t, do try to explain because I find it complicated… or maybe I don’t and am just making a big fuss about it.

I almost feel selfish talking about me lately. As in I should not talk about me, myself and I. Yes, I do know that it’s not about me all the time, that’s not what I mean. What I mean is that I feel uncomfortable when, during a conversation, I even mention “me”, yet I still do it, unconsciously.

I miss people. I miss friends. I miss something. It’s not an individual, it’s a whole bunch.
I guess I’m growing pretty much insensitive to things. Had you known what is actually going on in my life, you’d probably say the same. Or maybe I am selfish, because I just shut those problems out. I’m so curious on how things will turn out until December. If things don’t work, a huge change will come into my life in 2009.

2008 is close to and end, and 2009 is almost knocking at our doors, yet, this year feels like it was longer than usual. So much has happened this past year. I feel like I grew 2 years in one, but then again, people still make me feel I am the same old brat. It’s not that I am afraid of growing, I am not. But I would love that some people wouldn’t judge a book by its cover, being the book me of course. It’s not like I had a sh*t life and am now whining about it and want people to feel sorry about me. No, that is not the case. However, I still have that wish.

I am planning on getting a private blog (like a WordPress blog or Blogger), but something tells me I won’t get much readers, which is good, and bad, at the same time. I like readers, but then again, my lack of etiquette over the web has cut my readers here in Multiply short. But that still makes me want a new blog. Somewhere to just write my mind out. I could almost write a novel with what is actually going on with my life. Whoever looks at it just would not believe it. But I suppose things are going as it was “meant to be”, whatever that actually means.

I am not even sure what I am here babbling about. I hate emptiness. You can’t kill it. You can’t fill it with whatever, because it is a certain something or someone. And, right now, I have no idea what that is. I don’t know what is keeping this emptiness.
It is still funny, and odd, how I don’t feel sad with all this emptiness in me. I feel like sleeping it off, but then, I wake up, and it’s still there.

I guess I’ll have to stick to the novel? Or maybe the “nothing”? Or maybe do and keep nothing at all. I wish I knew. It confuses me and others. This emptiness leaves my mind wondering around on what should it think or do.

But I guess I’m done. I hope I did not bore you with one more of my personal life blog entries.

Thanks for reading me.

Dann

Art is Personal

October 12, 2008 (in discob.multiply.com)

Hello,

So, I am back for a bit… I’ve been busy with studies mostly and spending time with friends when I can…
Recently, I’ve been helping a friend with the organization of a few parties… and after the parties, he usually asks me my thoughts on how the party went by, as a regular customer… and obviously I’d criticize (and some people should know I’m horrible when it comes to criticism, as much as I am learning how to take it from other people) and, naturally, he defends himself saying that each one of us has a definition of art and that art is something personal. I agreed, but it didn’t stop me from letting my mind loose and wonder over this sentence.

Just like art, taste is personal.
Say, if you love purple, and look great in it, you’ll wear it and people around, friend or foe, will tell you that you look great. However, what happens when purple doesn’t fit you? Will your friends still say you look great? Maybe… Is that good? No. Even some of your foes might say you look great, and it still ain’t good. Why do they go down this road? For the simple and easy reason that they are not up for the troublesome task of actually criticizing your work or, worse, they just want to put up an act to look and seem friendly to everyone, for uncountable reasons.

You may be wondering why I am bringing this up. Why am I bringing this thing of the arts.
Some of you may know that I am very into graphic design and photography, even though I am not quite in the business. And, naturally, I appreciate and criticize whatever I see. Good or bad, I analyze it. It’s healthy for your creativity and imagination, since it keeps things moving. It even helps you to TRY to think out of the box.
Thing is, lately, there has been a lot of things that I’ve seen/heard that are simple horrid. I’m sorry, it is true, and whoever is reading this MUST agree with me somehow. You can go down whatever category in the arts and you’ll see how horrible some things are coming up. Music, photography, architecture, graphic designing, interior designing, etc.

I do understand that people should be proud of their work and all (and I am proud of my work) but, as much as I fear criticism, I am my worst critique. I will try to make it perfect and compare my work to other artists. I’ll even train myself by copying (with minor changes) something that I’ve seen (remember “Copycats”?), all for the sake of perfecting myself.
Do all people do the same? No.

I do not like to name names, but I do dare to say that the categories that I mentioned above contain my worst critiques lately. I also dare to say that there’s a lot in Multiply that I do not enjoy checking out. Honestly, I dare you, if you do anything related to arts: look for the artist that inspires you (and that is in the same business as you) and compare your work to his/hers. Then go down the painful road of looking for similar artists and tutorials that allow you to get to a better technique or something. See how good you are. Check what you have failed to “copy” and look for a way to copy it and enhance that “copy” to make it your own style, meaning, once someone looks at your work people will sigh and say your name (just like they do when they see Picasso, for example).
However, I do not dare to say that “if I don’t comment, it’s because I don’t like it”, since I recently discovered that viewing the posts in your e-mail count as a view in Multiply, and sometimes I am just checking things as read, so… I’m not actually viewing it, now am I?

I know some people might tell me that I am no one to criticize, but I do know that some of my friends do value my comments, because I am a fan of constructive criticism. If I do not like it, I point out WHY I don’t like it and, if I can, I will show them how I’d do it.
Don’t think I am criticizing you, my dear reader, but I am probably giving you a tip for you to improve your work.

Thanks again for reading me.

Dann

Copycats

June 22, 2008 (in discob.multiply.com)

Hello,

Lately there’s something that has been bugging me. That something is called Copycats, which is also why this post is named after it.
You probably wonder “Why on earth would Dann post something about copycats?!” Well, maybe because all of us sort of have that small kitty in us, and sometimes that kitty ain’t a pussy and decides to purr louder. And what happens? Well, you basically copy other peoples works, entitling them as yours. That’s sad, now ain’t it? How annoying can that be, someone taking all the credit for something YOU created first? Pretty much hey?

Well, allow me to take you to a not-so-contemporary battle in technology: Windows Vista and Mac OS X. Remember how Vista was considered (and still is) a total rip-off (even though I love the look of it… LOL) of Mac OS X? And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Because Windows and Mac have been struggling since the beginning.
But there are obviously more battles, like PS3’s and Wii’s, where rumour has it that the new controllers are set to copy Wiimotes! Or take Nokia’s N76’s design! It’s a total tip-off from Motorola’s well known RAZR!! And that’s technology only. Projects can also be copied! Ok, I can’t say I am totally genuine (even though I am mostly genuine anyway LOL –cocky moment), however, when I do intend to copy someone, I will either (1) refer the person who inspired me and give that person some credit — thrust me, I do this — or (2) perfect my work – please read project, design, etc – to the point where you see almost no difference between one another (the copied one), but always adding my own little touch to it, so that when you look at it you have that familiar feeling. That’s when, in my humble opinion, you have achieved a perfect copy.

Basically, my point is that, people seem to love to copy people’s works and don’t even bother to give them some credit, and that really bothers me. Yes, I can’t deny that some rip-offs are indubitably well achieved. However, some projects that are out already and some of the ones that are yet to come are simply horrendous. I am sorry to say this, but this is my most honest opinion.

Oh well, what can you do right? You can’t quiet that kitty of yours all the time, now can you? You should, sometimes, show that you are not a pussy and just purr loud… or should I say roar?? Just please remember to give people some credit, or at least present a flawless work.

That is all for now
Thank you guys for reading me!

Dann

When the truth surfaces, it’s not always that pretty

June 14, 2008 (in discob.multiply.com)

Hello,

So I thought I’d never write this here, but I guess I should. Obviously, you should know the drill, I don’t name names, so if you know whoever I’m talking about, please don’t name him/her.

I’d love to ask people in this world how can they be such liars, you know? To the point where they are able to make-up a whole new person to actually hang around with you.

I got this stuck in my throat, wanting to be spit out to this person’s face. Why? Well… let me tell you the story.

As you should know, I am working with a friend who happens to be older than me and we are always together. And if we are not, we are on the phone (which explains my HUGE phone bills). Yes, there was a bit of obsession, but I know that I have my own “quota” for obsession, so, even before I started working with this person, I said that sooner or later I’d step back and distance, coz I just had too. I was sure I would. He/she didn’t believe me.

Well… as time went by, work was starting to be mixed up with personal life… obviously that’s not very good, now is it? Especially when as a professional you simply suck.

Well, I don’t wanna talk about work… coz I still intend to work with this person for a few more months, until I finally go to the Philippines. Then I’m going jobless, unless I find a job soon (I should be a man whore! LOL JOKE!!!)

Anyway, back to the story… this person started to become jealous the moment I started to sort of take small steps back, coz I stopped “paying attention” to him/her, stopped calling or asking him/her out. Later on, jealously hit my friends. Coz I was spending time with my friends and not with him/her. What did he/she do? Well, basically made up stories about my friends, how they were like this or like that, or how they are doing this or that wrong, and sort of making me judge them so that our relationship (with my friends) becomes more edgy and shitty like. Well, it sort of worked… until a few days ago.

Lets go by parts, ok? And there’s some work involved here…

This past month, there were a lot of OT hours done, and since I am a part time worker, I write down my worked hours.

He/she didn’t believe me. He/she so didn’t that came up to my co-worker and ASKED him/her whether I was telling the truth. I obviously was. I don’t make up my hours.

Anyway, not only that, he/she lied to my face when he/she told me that he/she was incapable to flirt a friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend, but this other person was the one who was flirting he/she. Guess what, everything, and please read E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G, he/she told me was a lie. Apparently everything that was told was inverted, the flirting started with my supposed best friend, he/she was the one who was inviting, not the other way around.

Now I got this to say, how can someone, who looks at you as a blood related brother, can be capable of lying, like this, to your face? How can they even dare to say that I am the one who doesn’t care?! Honestly, I have never been this pissed of. It is so rare to anyone ever see me like this. My most violent desire at the moment? Jump on this person and literally beat the shit out of him/her. Honestly, the moment I look at this person, I can’t respect them. What’s worse, this person is my boss. Respect? *scoffs* I’ll try.

As pissed as I am, I can’t help it but admit that I am sad.

Someone I cared so much in my life just died. Literally, this person, in my mind, died. His/her special place in my heart has run dry. I no longer can trust this person. How can you, if this person doubts your word when you did absolutely nothing to justify her attitude.

Mixing things? I don’t think so.

I am sorry I am discharging this on you, dear reader, but I suppose I can/should write this out as many of my e-friends who I don’t speak to anymore for lack of time get updates from me through Multiply.

I hope you are honest with me in your comments. Comfort words are appreciated, critique is also welcome, even though I know I am right, no matter what you say.

Thank you for reading me.

Dann

*click*

June 4, 2008 (in discob.multiply.com)

Hello,

So I am back, and may I just add that this is the first second-post-in-a-row that I am posting in my Multiply journal.

Anyway, you wonder why *click* is the name of this entry. Well, I just realized I had never spoke about this: when people just… *click*

Clicking is not something common. Clicking implies that there’s some connection between both of you, but you simply don’t know what. There’s something, something you feel, but can’t touch, see, smell or taste. Clicking implies that familiar feeling towards the person. You will sort of go like “Have I met you before? Coz it sure does feel that way…!”

Clicking is supposed to happen the moment you meet the person, but sometimes, this click can come later on, as you speak to the person. And be reminded, that the real click is the one that happens “live and in person”. The e-click doesn’t count!

I have few people who I actually *clicked* instantly when I met them. Name them? Easy, they are my best friends!

Gina, Cecilia and Pandora. Those three, there’s nothing I can or have to hide. Each one of them have a special something that links me to them. They are all different between each other, and they don’t know each other, but… gosh, do you know that connection where you just have to look at the person trying to say “I feel uncomfortable here, please, let’s go” or “Gosh he/she is soooooo cute!!!!! Wish me luck!” or “I’m in a bad mood, leave me alone”. This is the sort of connection I have with these people. And I can tell you that I miss Gina and Pandora (Cecilia is here in Macau, so it’s easier to keep in touch and be with her), I truly do. Gina and I would be at her place, watching DVD’s or listening to Goldfrapp, or Sigur Ros, or Avalanche and bobbing our heads to their sound. We’d also ALWAYS go out together when we go clubbing, and well… we could easily read each other’s mind whenever one of us had a problem. I would actually be able to break down her thought into pieces and look into it and figure out a solution for her. She’d do the same. I learnt that from her.

Pandora and I, on the other hand, spent our early teens together. In fact, the bracelet she gave me 4 years ago, is still resting around my arm.

We could talk for ages about anything. Once, I was sleeping over at her place… I literally fell asleep as she spoke to me. Ask me how? Well, it was 6 am. And we had been chatting since 10 pm. LOL It’s funny how I miss her family too… they love me to bits and I truly appreciate that.

But obviously there are other clicks… the ones that click afterwards or that click on different aspects. I had never found anyone that I’d click with. But I know there is one person (and don’t bother asking who. I don’t name names when it comes to that department…). And that person exists and I have met that person. And I personally can’t put down to a intelligible sentence the feeling.

The feeling is complex and mixed up. I can’t say that the confusion is bad. The confusion just makes the mix more interesting. You know you’ve never felt this feeling, but something says it’s familiar… and it feels good. And the very little touch makes you shiver. You know what I mean, don’t you?

Oh well, you should have already understood from my previous posts that I don’t give in to these emotions quite easily… but this time, I guess I had no choice? I guess this was the first time I actually said “fine, come in” to this feeling. And, as far as I know, ignoring and suppressing this feeling will be something Ill have to do when it comes to making it go away. Feelings only go away, if you genuinely want them to. If “they” know they can still linger on, they will. I think I am going to write more over this later… not today though…

[sucks, hey?]

Oh well, and I guess that is it from me.

Thanks for reading me.. and remember to cherish your *clicks*

Dann

Emotion

June 2, 2008 (in discob.multiply.com)

Hello,

Do you know what I just figured? Lately, the music that bangs my head accidentally, means something to me, and, sometimes, it hits my feelings like a bomb. Like just now, I was listening to September’s “Cry For You” (great house song, similar beat to my another fav of mine.. more on that later), and out of nothing the piano of Alicia’s “Like You’ll Never See Me Again” starts playing! But you probably don’t know what’s so big about it… well, you may or may not have read the lyrics, but here’s the most touching part of the song:

“So every time you hold me

Hold me like this is the last time

Every time you kiss me

Kiss me like you’ll never see me again

Every time you touch me

Touch me like this is the last time

Promise that you’ll love me

Love me like you’ll never see me again”

You just gotta agree with me when I say that what is written there is touching! You might even remember me once typing in one of my old blog entries that I wished I had a “you”… I guess that’s where this song falls in, the “you” or “we” factor. A long way to go ’til I get there, I suppose… but I can always dream about it, right?

I do suppose that certain things can’t just be given to you just like that, ’cause you will take it for granted.

Oh well… Music does hit me like a bomb, I suppose. Music makes me wonder how it would be like to have that person. Or feel that feeling. Or live your dream.

There are so many it ’s in my life that I actually wonder if I am normal.

It does sort of suck to be me: feelings always under control, heart always under close control, mind always supervising every move, every change and every spot that changes in my heart’s “mind”. I do think that our mind and heart have independent minds of their own. I do think that both have to clash. It’s almost like we have sort of 3 spirits in us: one is your logical self at a 100%, another one is your emotional self at a 100%, and the last one is your 50/50 self, the one that struggles between both spirits, the soul that acts out to the world. And I guess I don’t allow myself to fall into the emotional zone that much, not that it is dangerous, but simply because it’s not where I want to be. It drains too much of you, and it’s easier if you just ignore those problems when they are that small.

You by now must be thinking I’m a cold hearted b*tch.

And, well, let me tell you something, I can be. If I want to cut out emotion, I can. Not that I have done that recently (and I am being true with you, trust me), but I have done it in the past. Hit the wrong button too many times and I simply click the eject button in me.

I guess I haven’t found that person. The person who I simply can’t eject. Or even the person who I can eject if I want to, but simply don’t want to, because the feeling of being around that person is simply overwhelming. Do you get what I mean?

Music hits my feeling either for the sound of their beat, or the lyrics that they carry. And I guess I’m done writing. Exposure is nice at times, so I guess I’m gonna leave you with some of my all-time favorite songs.

Flaws and All – Beyonce

Irreplaceable – Beyonce

Like You’ll Never See Me Again – Alicia Keys

If I Ain’t Got You – Alicia Keys

Something About Us – Daft Punk

So She Dances – Josh Groban

Ordinary People – John Legend

I Want You – Moloko

Pilots – Goldfrapp

Black Cherry – Goldfrapp

Hometown Glory – Adele

Cool – Gwen Stefani

We Belong Together – Mariah Carey

Samskeyti – Sigur Ros

And there are some more…

Thanks again for reading me

Dann

Transexuality in the new forms of family

March 9, 2008 (in discob.multiply.com)

The title of this post comes straight from a seminar I attended this past Friday.
I have to say, it’s a super controverse subject, as not many people accept neither homosexuals/transexuals/tranvestites nor the idea that the standards in society are changing rapidly.

I have to say, I was intrigued when I was told that there was no class, and that we were to attend the seminar, as I love to learn more over this sort of topics and to leave the auditorium enlightened, as I would have just received an eye-opener line, so to speak.
So this seminar started, and the Professor started speaking about the topic. He begun by defining what transexuals, homosexuals and transvestites were. In case you wouldn’t know, a transexual is someone who feels trapped in another’s body, who feels disgust for their sexual organs; a homosexual is someone who feels sexual and emotional attraction to someone of the same sex; finally, a transvestive is someone who (in his words) is so vain and likes him/herself so much, that even likes to see him/herself dressed with the opposite sex’ clothes. That said, he continued to explain that there were four different sexes and that we should make a clear distinction between “sex” and “gender” due to this matter. The four sexes are as following:

1) the sex of the exterior sexual organs;
2) the sex of the interior sexual organs (testicles, ovaries, etc.)
3) the sex of the genes (XX / XY)
4) the sex that people percieve you as (“social sex”) – say if you are a man and have feminin mannerisms, people might say you are an absolute woman, even though you look like a man.

Up till here, he showed himself pretty much liberal and progressive. As he continued he brought up the obvious “When will they express their desire to change their sex?”. Well, usually it may occur when they are young, however, there are cases of “late transexualism”, meaning, they might even be married and/or have kids, but finally realized they couldn’t be happy being a man/woman. What could have led them to marry was the fact that they thought that “the problem” was just in their head and was nothing to worry about and that, in time, it would go away.

As I am a law student, the next issue started with marriage and parenting.

[ I don't know how it works in the Philippines (and I'm only mentioning the Philippines, because most of my readers are Filipino anyway ), but in Portugal, gay marriage is not allowed, not even common-law marriage is recognized for gay/transexual couples (common-law marriage is when two people live together as a couple but have not gotten married, however, they share the same rights and duties as a officialy married couple; this term might not be the correct term to indicate this sort of union, but at least I got the idea explained). Let me explain, common-law marriage, according to the definition on the Civil Code, is a relationship between two persons who are living together voluntarily in analogue conditions to their partners. That said, you'd be asking what does "analogue conditions to their partners" mean, it basically means that, even though you are not married you introduce your partner as your wife/husband and live your lives together, just like a married couple, I mean, a traditional couple (aka heterosexual couple) ]

Anyway, back to where I left off, lets suppose a married couple, one man, one woman. The man realizes, after getting married that he wants to be a woman. What happens to the marriage? “That’s sort of an idiotic question, Dann”, you’d probably think, “because the marriage is obviously annuled.” Not necessarily, I have to say, as in some countries the sex change is not even allowed because of the previous marriage. Weird, I’d say, I didn’t quite get it, though.
Let’s now change the situation, there’s a couple, one man and one woman, they have kids. Sex change is approved, the man becomes a woman, what happens to the kids? “Can they still see the “father” ” – the Professor inquired. I was shocked when he threw this question to the air, as I cannot understand the problem with the children having two moms, or two dads!! However, please allow me to proceed with the seminar, as I will give you my personal comment to this whole event later.

He proceeded to explain what happens in Holland after the sex change, where your gender referred in your ID card is “updated“, in contrast with what happens in Portugal, as the gender remains forever the same, meaning you will still be a man/woman, even though you look like a woman/man. Meaning that, in Portugal, transexuals could never get married as they will always remain men or women, in contrast with Holland, where, even if gay marriage was not allowed, they would still be able to get married, since they would then be considered of the opposite gender.

He then stopped talking and the moderator allowed the public to intervene and ask a few questions that we might have. We, my classmates and I, were told by our teacher to keep quiet, as this seminar was intended for 3rd and 4th year law students, as they had Family Law as a subject.
Some colleague of mine, probably 4th year asked these two questions: Can transexuals later on marry? How about adoption, can they adopt?

The answers, in my opinion, are somewhat shocking, I sort of started to shut down my whole hearing system as I was approaching my nonsense limit.

In his opinion, and from what I was able to deduce, he says that transexuals could marry if gay marriage was also allowed, as the update of one’s gender wasn’t allowed neither in Portugal nor in Macau. And about adoption? He does not believe that gay couples are able to raise children (otherwise he would never question the future of the kids “done” in a once “traditional” marriage; there could be kids and the kids obviously could always visit their dad/mom. They’d probably have some difficulty grasping the idea of the sex change, but I’m sure children can grasp that sort of concepts, otherwise they’d never understand separation/divorce. According to the Professor, “we have to look for what is best for the child and not makes him/her happy; that said, we should avoid discrimination in school because one of his/hers parents is transexual or he/she has two dads/moms).

And then most of the women in the public decided to thank the Professor for coming and for contributing with this topic, for this daring topic, and for having the courage to speak out about this, as not many would have the courage to do so.
I had already shut down my whole system. I was fed up about it. I did not realize that how shocked I was until 3 hours later, when I was finally able to assimilate the whole event. I was absolutely shocked and outraged for the whole speech.

The seminar ended and a classmate of mine and I went to have dinner at the cantine, and hopefully not miss the next class. That did not happen. We ended up having this argument over the topic. And let me be short on his side, because I can’t possibly give too much attention to his opinion, and you will understand why soon.
He started by saying that transexuals and homosexuals were MENTALLY DEMENTED and that homosexuality and transexuality was a PERVERSION OF THE MIND. He was more insulting when he compared homosexuality/transexuality with pedophilia, zoophilia, suicide and homicide.  I called him homophobic and narrow minded. I had had enough. I missed the class and was sort of running late for the next one. I was numb.

Now my opinion over the whole matter.

I enjoyed the seminar, not because of its nonsense but for the eye-opening experience. I had always read and commented about homophobia, but had never experienced in person, not at this level at least. I had never felt that my values and moral were being put to test.
Society is witnessing some drastic changes in it’s standards and supporting pillars, and not many people are willing to accept the changes (take my Grandpa for that matter, he accepts it up to a certain point, but he can’t accept it fully). Traditional images (heterosexual couples, mom and dad, etc) are being broken down to concepts. I believe we are trying to come down to a basic concept, say, a couple is when two persons share their lives and present their loved ones as their partner and not as boyfriend/girlfriend, and not necessarily a man and a woman, sharing their lives; or even parenting, which isn’t limited to heterosexual couples, and there’s good reasoning for it: like the Professor said, there’s the “social sex”, meaning, you could be a woman but act just like a man, coming down to a father figure, and your partner, another woman would be the mum. Psicologists say children copycat their parents, it is true and that’s why adoption of children by gay couples is somewhat complicated, however, scientists have also discovered that being gay/transexual is in the genes. Meaning that, whether the parents are gay or straight, it should never influence in their sexual orientation – and next time you refer to this, please be sure to be cautious and don’t say sexual prefference, as you do not chose to be gay, straight or transexual.

[ Did you know that a transexuals brain is different from a womans and from a mans? Its shape is something between both, but is neither ]

What left me outraged in the seminar, wasn’t only the fact that the Professor was speaking nonsense, but because he was unconsistent with his speech, and please let me explain why. Not because he contradicted himself during his speech with words/thoughts, but on views: he started out as a liberal/progressive person, and ended his speech just like any other narrow-minded ultra conservative person!

There’s one more thing though, I forgot to mention that he said that transexuals would only change 2 of their sexes: the external organs and the social sex, but never the internal nor the genetic, meaning they would always be men/women, as, genetically he/she would always remain the same gender, meaning that, even if in the ID the gender was updated, if we were to be that meticulous, you’d forever remain a man or a woman. You would never be a full woman nor a full man. But then, I’d have to ask you the following: what about hermaphodites? And genetic mutation, where you can have “XXY boys“? (For those who do not know, in the XY sex-determination system, females have two of the same kind of sex chromosome (XX), while males have two distinct sex chromosomes (XY).) Those boys are still boys, but genetically it’s a mix: bioquemically they have both male and female hormones running in their blood stream. Oh, and how about mosaicism, where you can be a full male but your liver happened to be have female genes? You still look like a man, but you are not fully a man, now are you?

I love it when people bring up these topics because I do research a lot on this. I have even watched a whole sex change surgery (from man to woman). It is sort of painful to watch, but it trully is amazing. I wonder if I will ever be an activist in this sort of topic, as critical as I am, I know I would most likely want things to change.
I am probably too liberal or too progressive, but I just can’t help it. Homosexuality/transexuality is the “new” racism. The bottom line is the same: discrimination, superiority, prejudice.

I’d have to ask all of you who have the patience to read this whole post to speak out your opinion in your comments. Contradict me, criticize me, just don’t insult. haha

Thanks so much for reading me.

Overwhelming

March 4, 2007 (in discob.multiply.com)

It’s funny how I said on my previous blog entry that “it is because all this happens that life becomes interesting” but don’t trully mean it but rather just type it down so that I too try to believe that it is that way.
I know that you have to know black to see white, and that you have to feel sadness to know hapiness, however, I don’t quite believe that so many things should happen all at once… just like it is happening now.

—

Right now, I want confirmation of a few things that came up today and a few weeks ago… say, a job, my trip back to Portugal, a few of my questions regarding my life. Things take time, but it’s so many things happening all at once and no man is made of steel.
It is an utterly overwhelming feeling.

Beyonce trully has been my inspiration lately. Last year, my song was “Irreplaceable”, right now it’s “Flaws and All” and I think that “If” could be my future.

—

I’m lacking in words and inspiration, however, I do still feel like writing something here.

Thank you so much for your comments, visits and support..

If I had one wish

March 2, 2008 (in discob.multiply.com)

I’d hug you as tight as I could.
I’d make you mine, and mine only.
I’d make you happy as pure bliss makes you feel.

It’s amazing how one look can make it totally different. One touch. One time. One.
That moment, that one moment… you… me… we smile… looking into each others eyes… closer… and closer… sealing it with a kiss….. I can still feel the shivers running down my spine.

…

Sigh…

I can’t call it love, because I know it’s not love. But I’ve never felt this way. So… Ugh… I’ve never gotten so much attention from anyone. And then you came along…

I wish you could be mine. I wish I could be yours. I wish I could hug you. I wish I could kiss you. But I know I can’t have it that way, and I understand.

Life is a bitch at times. This feeling will go by, eventually. I know it. It has to. But it is because all this happens that life becomes interesting.

I can’t wait to see you again and give you a hug. I know it won’t be the same, but I want to feel that I miss it and feel it deep in me so that I am ready to say goodbye to this mega feeling.

Will it ever come again? I do hope so….

Another one under the influence of “Flaws and All”.

Thanks for reading me.

What is it like

February 18, 2008 (in discob.multiply.com)

What is it like to have someone to say “I like you”?
What is it like to hug someone so tight you feel your heartbeats beating as one?
What is it like to daydream about someone?
What is it like to kiss like there is no tomorrow?
What is it like to look into someone eyes and share your deepest fears?

Wondering how I am feeling? That’s how I feel. A big question mark on my forehead. A huge feeling that is too ambiguous to be described. A crushing sensation of… nothing.
Emptiness is a bitch.

I wish you could accept me… flaws and all…
I wish I could sing you “Flaws and All”.
I wish there was a “you”.

Hold me Right

January 18, 2008 (in discob.multiply.com)

“Your presence…
I can feel it… close to me…
Right here, just next to me…
Just next to me gazing at me…
Gazing at me with that look that only you know…
The look that drives me crazy…
Craziness that only you understand.

Can you feel my hand caress your hair?
Can you see me look at you?
Can you hear my heart beat?
Can you hear me whisper… I love you…?

Lay here.
Lay with me.
Right here… next to me…
Hold me.
So that I am closer to you.
So that we can feel our hearts beating as one.
So that we can’t feel time go by.
So that everything, EVERYTHING around us stops
And the world is ours only.

Hold me, so that we become one
Hold me, so that I never forget your scent
Hold me, so that I never forget your touch
Hold me, so that I never forget your shimmering hair.
Hold me, so that this day is unforgettable.

…”

Today, I am reborn.

by Daniel de Senna Fernandes

Change is taking place | Some things are better left Untold

October 30, 2007 (in discob.multiply.com)

Hey people,

It’s been a long time since I last updated my blog for real. Giving you updates of how my life is, how things have been hitting me, how life has been treating me.

A lot has happened since the Congress, since my first job. A lot has happened after I started uni.
I’ve changed, my life has changed, my habits have changed, my way of seeing things changed. People have change. Change is still taking place.

Work taught me how much I could put up to and how much pressure I could handle. When uni started, I had more stress, more things to do, less time to sleep and even less time to enjoy whatever. I got to the point where I was sleeping between 4 to 6 hours per day, working around 7 to 10 hours, plus my usual 6 to 11 PM classes. There were days where I went back to work after classes. Before the Congress I had hectic days: slept 6 hours, worked 20, slept 4 hours, worked 19 and a half, slept another 5 and worked 17. You wouldn’t want to be in my shoes. I lost weight, I looked like a zombie, my body was aching, my mind was having a breakdown as it had to stop, stress was taking over me, I wasn’t hungry to eat, I kept losing weight, I didn’t have time for friends, I didn’t have time for me, I didn’t have time for anything but work and a few hours of sleep. That went on for a full month: 4 to 6 hours of sleep and about 14 hours of work and uni altogether (in general).

When I was finally able to stop and rest, to stop and unwind, to stop and meet up with friends and catch up with both my real-time friends and with my online friends, I realised things were most definitely changed. It came to me as a shock, as I did not expect that things would change this much. I thought that maybe things would “wait for me”. I thought that maybe time and people would be, let’s be honest, “fair”.
I guess not.
I turned 18 and I didn’t even have a great party. I preferred my sister’s farewell party (which was the next day) to my birthday. First lesson on being 18? Well, life ain’t that fair, that’s one big thing I realised. You just simply cannot satisfy everyones needs/wants. You are one and only one, and before anyone else, there is one person: you. Selfish? Maybe a bit, but if I don’t take care of me, who will?

I realised that life is way to short for us to be so cautious. After a friend of mine passed away things most definitely changed. I took many things for granted, and I shouldn’t have.
People say that this or that is right and whatever that is out of those lines is wrong, but, to be honest with you, what is right or wrong and who are you to say what is right for me or what is wrong to do? Who are you to dictate what is fair and what is not? Life itself is not fair to us.

Some things are better left untold, and, maybe, if you know my story, you know what my message says. You know how I really feel. How I am getting used to all these changes. How I am handling the hidden pressure coming from everywhere and from nowhere.
People around me are more and more childish and selfish, however,  they stopped expecting much from me, I think. I haven’t become invisible, but I most definitely can say that I was expecting more. Not in what you are thinking, reader who knows my story, but in my life in general. The unfolding of things. The feeling of being back to stage zero but with a different mind.
One thing is true: I feel that I am closing a small chapter of my life and that I might be closer to a few answers to some questions I have had for quite some time.
Stage zero is a hard stage, as it is the beginning of something new. What is yet to come, I don’t know. But one thing I can guarantee you: change will most definitely take place. Some things will, most likely, be left untold.

To all my online/real-time friends a big apology for my absence both during the Congress and post Congress periods. I feel that I am still using my breaks to stop and think with my brain.

Rationality. Perfectionism. Stability. Balance. Those are the words that seem to be trying to over rule my new chapter.
Time shall tell.

Thanks for reading me

PS: to some that are wanting to know what kind of questions, I could say: “Why so many deja vu’s and no confirmation?” – figure yourselves out what the question means.

Because I Love You

July 17, 2007 (in discob.multiply.com)

Why do you make me feel this way…
Breathless… Yearning…
For what I see,
For what I don’t see.
For what I feel,
For what I don’t feel.
For the sea,
For the earth,
For the air.

Why do you make me feel this way…
Warm in the inside, overjoyed on the outside.
Upset in the inside, excited and delighted on the outside.

Why did you make me feel your presence?
Why did you make me feel your absence?
Why did you make me feel the sadness of never having you for me?
Why did you make me feel the joy of knowing you?
Why did you leave me alone?
Why did you make me wait and long so much?

You are speechless.

No words from you.
Or you.
Or you.
Or You.

I can feel the tear sliding down my cheek, ready to stain what I am secretly confessing you.
I feel you more and more distant, but I see you closer and closer every second.
I want you, but I can’t.
I want you, but I have forget.

Why am I writing to you?
Why am I confessing to you?

Because I love you.
I love you just like a bee loves the finest nectar of flowers.
I love you just like the waves love the beach.
I love you just like the wind loves the distance.
I love you just like the Earth loves the Sun.
I love you this much, but I can do nothing, other than forgetting.

It is not the end, but a beginning of something that struggles to forget something that died.
Why?

Because I love you.

by Daniel de Senna Fernandes

Carpe Diem

June 9, 2007 (in discob.multiply.com)

Ever got the weird (but nice) feeling of being on stage? Watching all those people looking at you? Waiting for you to do anything, good or bad. Expecting and waiting, ansiously.
Well, I have.

Since I got to Macau and into the Portuguese School of Macau, I have become quite popular as someone that was always willing to help out.
I started out on 10th grade with poetry. I knew nothing about saying poetry. I had never been on stage. I had never been tested by judges.
During rehearsals you have teachers helping you out to get the correct expression for your poem, the right sound, the right gesture, the right everything. Thing is, there are teachers that are more demanding than others and this one teacher was uber demanding. She had never heard me, and I was expecting that I’d have to go on, and on, and on with my poem, until I had reached the point that she wanted. I didn’t have to. She loved me then. One chance. One shot. One single try, and I could go. Rehearsal was done.
We were preparing for the poetry reading competion, and I had a feeling I could win. But that didn’t happen, even though I was praised and complimented by everyone and had the loudest and strongest applause than any other participant.
Oh well, too bad right? At least I got the tingly sensation of being on stage.

A few months went by and this teacher called me and wanted me to be MC (master of cerimony – the one who presents things during a show) of the Poetry Reading Session for the parents. I agreed to debut myself as a MC.
I loved it. It’s not as stressing as poetry reading, as you don’t have to memorize anything, just read and you aren’t the main spotlight, you are on the side, a discrete “thing” that is as important as the participants themselves.
People loved me too, and they praised me again.

The year was over, and my popularity as Mr. Do-It-All was on. If they needed someone to present something, I’d be the guy. If they needed someone to talk to the school principal, I’d be the guy. If they needed someone to talk to, I’d be the guy too, well at least to those who knew me, right?

When 11th grade started, I’d be MC again. This time I’d be presenting the cerimony where the school announces the prizes given to the best students (including loads of money, and I honestly mean a lot of it – the best of the best of the best finalist students should get around 6 thousand USD). I loved it again.
A few months went by, and once again, poetry reading. One more competition, and, once again,desire to win. But it still didn’t happen. I do admit that I wasn’t as good as 10th grade, but oh well, no hard feelings.
I was already expecting that I’d be MC’ing later for the Poetry Reading Session again. And it happened, this time with a partner (a girl that I no longer talk to). It was fun and I was sooooo praised! I like being told I’ve been good, even though I do it with so much pleasure.

Oh well, and  12th grade came. The last year. This time I’m the finalist. This year might be the last year I’m MC of anything. At least at school. (Gosh, I’m even teary while I’m typing this).
Same routine, MC for the prizes, poetry reading and MC again for Poetry Session. It was yesterday. I think I have never been so calm, so OK with people. This time the praising was different. They were saying how good I looked, how great my voice is, how nice I was. Sigh.
My teacher, the one who loved me from the beggining, was my teacher this year, she thaught me Portuguese. I love her. As a person and as a teacher. I honestly love her. I will miss her classes so much, and her stressing over things and her way of being angry. Oh well… Everything comes to an end sometime, right?

I will miss being MC, and yesterday it was hard for me to say goodbye to that little stage. Today I’ll be reading poetry, possibly for the last time. Sigh. I’ll miss this easy life.
I’m almost turning 18. I’m finally going to be able to open my bank account by myself. Open my mobile phone account on my own. Gosh.

There’s one thing I’ve learnt over this journey: savor everything that life gives you, even when it’s a bitter moment, because that bitterness shall subside and sweetness will rule over you. Carpe Diem my friend.

Emptiness

April 20, 2007 (in discob.multiply.com)

You know what?
I have been feeling weird lately. I feel like there’s a big black hole in me. A big black void. Something that ain’t something. Something that describes itself as nothing.
It’s so much confusion that I have no idea how to put what I feel into words. It’s not being exactly sad, nor being totally confused. It’s just feeling this weird emptiness. Very much alike with the emptiness of silence.

I suspect that this was all created by my crushes (the past ones, the present ones and the future ones). I’m sick of being the way I am: too warm towards people. So warm, and people don’t even appreciate it.
I’m going to be totally honest with you. I want more attention. Not attention from anyone, though. There are a few people that I’d want to gather attention from. But this seems such a childish need, such an immature conclusion, I just don’t know how to stop this need/want/desire.

I’m an ace on getting mad or upset at people. I expect too much, and people easily deceive me, especially if I have certain feelings for them. I’m what they call too complicated. The thing is, I’ve got friends who know how to deal with me, and easily calm me.. then, why can’t there be someone (and I do mean anyone) that can at least understand me the same way I understand them when they go ballistic with me? I’m not blaming anyone, nor am I going to name names, but I am thinking about a certain someone right now.
This certain someone usually gets mad at me because I joke saying “You hate me! *sobs*“. Obviously (or maybe it isn’t’ that obvious), almost anyone would understand I was joking… You wouldn’t get upset/mad at me because of that, would you? (people who are reading this and intend to reply to this entry, please reply at least to this question) I don’t know. Sometimes I feel that the new people that I meet think that I am the one who has the problem, and never the other way around. Well, yeah, I do have some problems, but not the kind of problems that will affect every single word I type. Are you getting me while I’m typing this?

I am a complex being. I am a tad more mature than any usual 17 year old. But I am never taken to make myself feel taller or bigger than anyone because of that.
I am proud. I am a perfectionist. I am sensitive. I am both extremely cold and extremely warm. I am an extreme person. I am swift when it comes to decisive decisions. I have what they call the coldness of being ice-cold when it comes to feelings: (and this links with my extremeness and my swiftness) if I want to forget/mold/change/alter feelings/people/actions, I just got to convince myself and, in due time, the feeling/the person/the action is forgotten/molded/changed/altered.

I’d like to add that there is someone who understands me, and that someone is my ex-crush (the one I mentioned on my previous blog entry). This ex-crush of mine helped me pointing out how I wanted attention and how cold I had become after our “time-out”. My ex-crush dislikes it, a lot. But I feel that this new coldness of mine is the only way I’ve got to be stable in this tiny city called Macao.

Me, I’m a person that likes to hand out happiness and pleasure to my loved ones, the thing is, I usually expect that those people will do the same to me, but it rarely happens. I want someone special, but there is no one in this tiny city. The people here, their mentality, it’s just not for me, it’s not my type, it’s not me either. If (and I do mean hypothetically) I had someone to make happy, someone where I’d focus my attention and my thoughts (yes, that’s the kind of person I am), this blog entry would probably never exist.
My issue is that I can’t want this person. I have wanted it a lot, and it almost destroyed me. My coldness appeared so that I can scare this want away from me.
I hope He has a good plan for me, because I believe in him. I know he helps us, every one of us. We just got to be patient and do our job as people, and fight for our happiness.

Gosh, I feel so much more relieved now… But I think you might be having a slight headache. As I said, I’m a complex being, and I do write hidden messages in my blog entries.

I hope that whoever reads this gives me some feedback, I’d just love to hear your opinion over this entry of mine. Thanks in advance.

Acquaintances and Friends

April 19, 2007 (in discob.multiply.com)

Acquaintances are people who you know but who you don’t share much with.
Friends are people who you share your life with, your experience, your advice, your hapiness, your pain, your ups and your downs.

After I joined Multiply, I’ve met amazing people: people who I share a lot in common (say in music or in way of thinking); people who are kinda stupid; people who add me but never talk to me; people, people, people.
The thing is, I had (and still have) a full life before multiply, and that included my crushes – excuse me, my online crushes -, my job, my life at school, my friends, my online friends, and my acquaintances.
But right after I joined Multiply, I went on vacation, remember? Well, I was leaving to Thailand, and I was not going to have internet for around 10 days. Which meant that my crush and I wouldn’t be chatting much, plus the fact that my crush was going out for holidays too, and was going to meet someone else, which didn’t make me that happy, but there was a reason for this meeting. My crush had some “problems” with self-esteem (running a bit low, near collapse, and I was in the same boat), and this meeting, if things went as we expected, would boost both self-esteem and hapiness.

So then I waited. My crush was only to arrive 10 days after me. I waited and was very ansious for an answer on what had happened. And that’s when today happened. My crush came online, and my feelings were nowhere to be found.
I had already forgotten about my feelings, since I have found someone else to focus my energies on (yes, my dear readers, I do shift and mold feelings. Call me cold, harsh or whatever, some just do it and I’m one of them).
It’s just weird. We had created this friendship aura around us, and, suddenly, I just feel it’s gone. I feel I’m no longer comfortable speaking to this person, I feel this person distant and strange towards me. Probably I should even keep a bit more distanced from this person. I’m just not sure.
The thing is, even though I like this person a lot, I’m not sure if I want to go through the crying and the whinning over “I wanna be with you, baby… I so do” (and I did mean this when I said it, I had never wanted a person so much in my whole life) again. And even the friendship.. I don’t know… It was weird, you know? Oh-so weird..!

Fact: I have a crush on someone else.
Fact: That person ain’t in multiply.
Fact: I doubt this crush will last.
Fact: I doubt I’ll stop being friends wiht my ex-crush.
Fact: I think this weird feeling will go away.
Fact: I’m done with facts.

I’d like to add that I am very happy and glad that I joined Multiply. In my opinion, it might be the cleanest place on the internet.
I’m also proud to say that I’ve met some of the nicest people here, and the person who invited me to join should also take some credit.

Thank you for reading me.

Dann